Meh

It’s Christmas time.

Now, normally, the sentence above would have had an exclamation point or two.  That’s the key word, however: normally.  Just what about this freaking miserable year is normal?  Right now, in spite of the Christmas season that I so love, about all I can muster is one big “meh.”

Oh, it’s not anything bad, nor anything specific…it’s just…well…2020.

All of my Christmas stuff is still in storage — along with the rest of my life — back in Colorado, so I don’t even have that to help me out.  I finally picked up a couple of strings of lights and a small fake tree when I was grocery shopping, just to try and force myself into the mood.  If there is anything more sad and pathetic than buying twenty bucks worth of cheap Christmas shit along with some bread and a dozen eggs, I don’t what it is.

Err…hold on…need to change the music…

There, that’s better.  Remember when I talked about how music really, really influences the words?  How my mood and the tone of what I write are far too intertwined to ever separate, and how that mood and the music influence each other in an infinite feedback loop?

Wait, what?  No?

No, you don’t remember?  Or, no, I never got around to writing that particular post?

Crap, even I’m not sure which it is.

Oh well, there you have it: what I’m listening to influences not just what I write, but also how I shape it.  Conversely, however, the flow and tone of what I’m writing very much determines just what I listen to as I work.

By the way, if you can figure out which is the chicken and which the egg, please let me know because I have no freaking idea.  Honestly, I just go on a combination of gut-feeling and success.  If the words aren’t coming out right, if the mood/feeling of the piece isn’t what I intended, I either need to change what I’m writing, or change my music. Err…or change my drink.  Given that it’s nine in the morning, I figured it is probably better to try a different artist rather than switch my coffee for beer…

Of course, the historian in me just has to point out out that Churchill drank champagne for breakfast.

Ahem.  Never mind.

When I was growing up, my parents taught me that old, traditional bit of wisdom, “If you have nothing good to say, say nothing.”  I believed it then, and I still (mostly) believe it now.  So…well…no writing on the current state of affairs in the US…

My original intent with this post, as late and delayed as it is, was to put in a snippet from one of the stories I’m working on.  That was the intent, but as is usual in my world, intent and result don’t always match up too well.  The snippet I was going to post just didn’t come along like I wanted, and I really can’t muster the focus to replace it with a flashfiction piece this morning.

Maybe switching to beer isn’t such a bad idea, after all.

*sigh*

Okay, so a small writing lesson — there is a certain frame of mind, a certain feeling, to creating.  I can’t really describe to you what it is because it is different for everyone.  When you are first starting out — when you are producing in fits and starts, with no predictability — you learn to recognize that feeling and take advantage of it when it comes.  When you get into a routine and are producing regularly, however, you can start to create that feeling for yourself, rather than passively accept it when it comes.

It takes routine, however, and constant production.  It takes also — at least for me — the right mix of surroundings and subject matter.  It takes a plan, and a song.

I know this post has been rather pointless and forced.  I know the last few have all suffered from those particular sins.  COVID has been part of it, as has the toxic cloud of politics and strife suffocating the US, but those are excuses not reasons.  I won’t justify not producing like I should because, well, if I won’t believe my own words, why the hell would you?

All I can say is that I feel the need to write.  Not a post…sorry. These posts are fun, but they are light and easy.  They don’t scratch that deep-seated need to really write.  You know the itch I’m talking about, the one you can scratch only by creating your own worlds.

The music has come, by the way, and the plan…the plan is always there.  Time to start scratching…

[Musical Note — I can’t remember if I’ve yet posted these guys or not.  If the singer sounds familiar, and if you are within the right age range, you will know him (and two others in this band) as being part of a very, very different group.  It takes a special creativity to produce stuff like this at the same time you are producing stuff as Blink 182…]

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