Err…okay…so I probably shouldn’t think about how long it’s been since I wrote a blog post…
No, I don’t need to think about that at all.
What I need to think about instead is what actually got me to wanting to write a post tonight in the first place…
It was a long — and kinda shitty — day at work. All I wanted was pizza and a beer. Or beer and a pizza.*
*Amazing, isn’t it, how changing the placement of just two tiny words can change the emphasis and imagery of a sentence…and don’t even get me started on changing one tiny word! “My arms around her neck…” versus “My hands around her neck…” Ahem. Vocabulary and syntax for the writing-win, Alex!
At any rate, pizza and beer. That’s where I was. Yeah, that’s it…
I went music shopping tonight, while I was drinking. Oh, it wasn’t the old-school flipping through albums and CDs that used to be such an important part of my life. No, this time — as has become my norm — it was mousing through the electronic catalog that is Apple’s iTunes Store.
Crap, I don’t even own CDs anymore, let alone the old vinyl albums that took my music-virginity. Gah, don’t even get me started on losing the visceral satisfaction of actually “putting on” on a new album!
Okay…crap…talk about squirrel moments…that whole 200-word attempt at an “intro” was one giant squirrel-moment! But…well…at least it gets me started…
One of the songs I was listening to tonight had a line that resonated. It was in fact a line that damned-well better resonate! “You’re life won’t be ruined…” that song said.
Your life won’t be ruined…
Your life won’t be ruined if you accidentally buy the low-pulp orange juice.
Your life won’t be ruined if the Broncos lose by 24 points to the Chiefs.
Your life won’t be ruined if Britain leaves the EU…or if it fails to do so.
Your life won’t be ruined if Donald Trump is impeached, or wins the ‘20 election…or not.
Your life won’t be ruined…
Your life won’t be ruined.
As someone who has fought the twin demons of depression and despair; as someone who has questioned whether any of this shit is actually worth it; as someone who has sat on a branch with a bottle in one hand and rope around his neck; as someone who has known both highs and lows that most folks don’t get to experience, all I can say is this: your life won’t be ruined.
Part of me wants to write this post to reassure my friends and family — to reassure those who have learned, if only through this blog, of my struggles with life — that I “get it”, that I’m not quite as fucked up as they think I am.
But only part.
Most of me, however…
Most of me just wants to speak to anyone who is staring at the same forbidding terrain through which I have spent a lifetime traveling.
Your life won’t be ruined.
In spite of everything the judgmental and the superior and the vindictive can do, your life won’t be ruined. Second chances are everything in life, and most of the world appreciates that fact. Shit, most of the world needs that fact. More than that, however, anyone who doesn’t believe in second chances is far more fucked up than any of the rest of us could ever be.
So go ahead and vote for whoever or whatever you like. Win or lose, your life won’t be ruined.
Go ahead and try to write that novel or poem, or paint that picture or compose that song. Win or lose, your life won’t be ruined.
Most importantly, however, go ahead and be YOU. Go ahead and be honest with those who love you. Whether they accept and embrace, or turn their backs, you will survive. You CAN survive. Your life doesn’t have to be ruined.
If you live in the closet and are terrified of coming out…
If death and suicide stalk your thoughts…
If failure is an everyday companion…
If everyone looks, or acts, or feels, different from you…
You can make it. You can survive. It might be hard…it might even be hell, but there is far more to life than now. To quote a charity/movement I whole-heartedly support and believe in: “it gets better.”
When you get right down to it, your life won’t be ruined.
Finding My Way Out 