Repent, for the End is nigh!
It’s the end of the world as we know it!
We’re all doomed! DOOMED, I say!
Why the hell can’t the disaster-predictors ever get it right? I’m sitting here on April 23rd, typing this post on the patio of a local coffee shop while soaking in the warmth of the sun and savoring the last of my parmesan & spinach bagel. Soooo…wasn’t the damned world supposed to end today? Again?
Look, if at least one of these stupid prophecies isn’t right fairly soon, I’m gonna have to start paying bills again, and no one wants that!
Let’s check the recent record, just for shits & giggles:
Today’s “expected” apocalypse – fail
Last year’s Nibiru extinction – fail
2014’s blood moon – fail
2013’s “Rasputin storm” – fail
2012’s big Mayan doomsday – epic fail
And let’s not even start on Y2K…
C’mon, prophet-guys, it’s like you’re not even trying! Can’t I have at least a good asteroid strike? Or an LA mega-quake? Or the Yellowstone supervolcano? You gotta give me something!
How is a guy supposed to throw off all responsibility and care if you keep getting it wrong?!
Crap, I write sci-fi and fantasy — what if all the prophets and doomsayers in my stories were this freaking wrong all the time? Can’t you just picture GoT if it were that way? “Yes, Lord Stark, the prophecy says you should become the Hand of the King, and that you will die peacefully at home in your bed…”
Okay, fine…I’ll give you folks one more try. But — and I mean it, this time! — if you’re wrong again, I’m going back to Miss Cleo for advice and life-coaching…