The Prologue, or Who the Fuck Am I?

So blogs are not something I’ve really done before, whether “writing oriented” or not.  It’s not that I have anything against the medium—hell, I’m a regular visitor & commenter on more than a few blogs—it’s more that I am an intensely private person.  I am, especially, an intensely private writer.

Yes, I write for the consumption of others, but pulling aside the curtain to show the sausage-making behind the scenes feels a bit like letting random strangers in to the bedroom.  Writing & imagination are very personal, very private, processes…to be right upfront about the material is hard enough for me, but to lay out the thinking and emotion that goes on behind the scenes is a major stretch.

That is, in fact, why I’m doing this.  Stagnation is easy.  Easier, even, than failure.  I’ve done enough of the latter, I refuse to let the former steal from me my vision and creativity.

I am most definitely one of those uber-competitive people who do nothing in public that they do not do well, so doing a blog is not in any way natural.  There are enough people around me criticizing and doubting, do I really need to make that “audience” larger?

Yes.  Yes, I do.

I suppose at this point I should spell out a bit of background, and a bit of my “philosophy”…yes, I put that in quotes, and for good reason.  Most of my “philosophy” in life involves finding good booze and good food.  Leaving aside sex, it’s all pretty much in that order.  That’s as close as I get to a “life plan”.  I make shit up as I go along, and I have the failed romances to prove it.

About the only thing I take seriously is writing.  Writing, to me, is where I get to actually be “me”, something that never happens in public.  Not with family, not with friends, and not with lovers.  I am always wearing a mask, generally playing whatever part my “audience” at the time expects.  Only when I put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, do I get to let out the flawed, fucked-up individual underneath it all.

On that note, a warning: none of the personal information associated with this blog is actually me.  The emotions, the thoughts, the sentiments and the words, those are all mine….the name and the identity are not.  I write and work in other—very different—realms, and I do not want that to carry over or color what I do here.  To that end I am writing this blog anonymously, with a pen name and an electronic identity.  This is not a tool for sales or marketing, nor is it designed to capitalize on anything else I do.  What it IS intended to do is follow the process, from my point of view, of imagining and writing a novel…this very specific novel.

Future posts will get into all the whys and wherefors, the sausage-making of how and why I do what I’m doing.  This first post is intended just to provide basic insight into the idiot behind the blog itself.  It is also, for the most part, thrown out there off the top of my head.  I do have something of a plan for topics and timing, but that is as far as the planning goes.  I am not going to pour a ton of time into precise editing and detailed timelines.  Fuck that…I bore myself enough in the “real world”, why do so here?  Posts will sometimes be funny, sometimes serious, often verbose, and…yes…occasionally drunk-bloggin’ will rear its entertainingly regrettable head.

I am going to split posts between insights into the story and characters, as well as the inspirations and reasons behind them, and the down-to-earth concrete process of turning the basic idea for a setting and two characters into a full-fledged 120,000 word manuscript (keep in mind, I do suck at predicting word counts).

Friends familiar with what I am trying to do have asked if I will post excerpts of the book itself here.  I’m still undecided on that score.  Let’s be honest—writing is no great way to make a living, and putting up for free the work I am slaving over is likely not the greatest business decision.  I’m not closing that window totally, however…but at this point, the snippets and scenes I plan to post will be drawn from the background material, not the manuscript itself.

What I do want to do is offer insight into what is going on behind the scenes as I work through the book…and also dive into the background of the story itself.  Most, if not all, of these posts will be specific to this current novel, but I do reserve the right to go all emo and tear off into parts unknown…that is, in fact, what I do for a living.

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